I went through phases of loving and despising my similarities to Mom. I loved that she would patiently play games with me all day when I was sick, almost making being sick fun. I loved how she would ambush me with snowballs, unleashing spontaneous fun on dreary winter days. I loved how she could set her mind on a goal and always see it come to fruition, like winning a card game or finishing a work project. Still, there were things I despised about my mom. I despised the way she could always win an argument about the urgency of me cleaning my room. I despised how she was always right when she said I "have plenty to wear without new clothes." And I especially despised that she would make me stay and be social at events when I was found hiding out with a book.
I have come to realize, though, that every time I didn't want to be my mom, it was because I was jealous of her. When I argued with her about cleaning, I was secretly jealous of the way she could keep things organized while my room spiraled into a mess. When she said I didn't need new clothes, I was jealous of how thrifty she could be. And when she told me I needed to "stay and be social," I was jealous of how she could so kindly talk to people who drove her crazy. My mom was the ideal version of myself -- and in my mind, the person I could never quite be.
When I went to college, my mom and I formed a new kind of relationship. My mom and I don't live in the same world anymore. Since I go to school out-of-state, we see each other about 3 times per year. We talk on the phone about every 2 weeks. When we compare our worlds, though, it's like looking in a mirror. Our conversations are met with, "Yeah, that's exactly how I feel in a situation like that!" and "Oh, that's what I would do too." Our personalities and behaviors are remarkably similar, even in completely different surroundings.
And there's something so cool about that! I now know that my mom probably felt the same way in college that I feel now. She was probably terrified to make her first long drive on icy roads. She probably didn't always feel capable of being socially adept. She probably worried unnecessarily about the littlest things. And it all ended up being ok! She worked through her weaknesses, found her strengths, and developed into an absolutely incredible human being. If she did it, then I can too.
My mom is my biggest inspiration. On being just like my mother: I feel fortunate to be so similar to such an amazing woman.
