The other day, I was checking a girl into her residence hall room as part of my RA job. We were casually chatting when I decided to ask her what year she was... to which she replied "oh, I'm a junior"... to which I replied, "Wow, you're halfway done with college!"
And it took me a minute to realize what exactly the words plummeting out of my mouth meant.
Let's review the facts:
1. I have completed two years of college.
2. She has completed two years of college.
3. She said she was a junior.
4. That also makes me a junior.
5. That means I'm halfway through college.
Say whaaaaat? When did that happen??
It's weirding me out so much to think that I am that person -- that super old junior -- little first-year Angela looked up to not-so-long-ago. Or at least, I'm making progress toward being that person.
I came to college anxious, but I didn't come afraid. (Look at the blog I posted right before moving away for the first time!) I was willing to brave this new corn-filled state, new classes, and new challenges without a second thought. For a long time, I thought my bravery was enough. If I showed up and made it through, I had accomplished something.
Largely, that's true, and I am incredibly proud of the strong perseverance I hold. But what I failed to realize then was how much confidence and passion play a role in cultivating dreams. Showing up, and even showing up and doing your best, isn't enough. You've gotta put some heart into it. You've gotta show people that you care about what you are doing: that it's not just a thing you do, but rather the only way you can do your thing.
Sometimes, that passion means disappointing people. It means letting some things go so you can hold other things tighter. It means prioritizing. It means spelling things wrong in an email every once in a while so you can spend an extra 5 minutes playing the guitar you've dreamed of playing since you were 10. It means waking up early on a Saturday morning -- even though you are exhausted -- so you can volunteer at a community clinic (and not just to put it on your resume). It means knowing what you want most, even through the noise of everybody telling you what you should want.
For most of my first two years, I didn't understand that. I felt so bitter and confused about why I was working so hard (and in my mind, harder than a lot of other people) and still feeling like I wasn't valued or trusted as much as my classmates. I absorbed myself even more into my work -- into my grades, into my jobs, into my "duties" -- to prove my worth to myself. And even after 14 years of school with straight As, even after successfully juggling four on-campus jobs alongside sorority and club commitments, even after all the special projects and extras, I still felt like I had nothing to show for myself. Talk about burn-out.
Things are still pretty unclear, and honestly, I don't think that's going to get better any time soon. We're told from the time we are little to "follow our dreams," but we're not exactly told how to figure out what they are in the first place, let alone how to pick which ones to follow. It takes a lot more than pixie dust. Day by day, though, I am learning how to listen a little more to my heart. I am learning to feel the difference between satisfaction and contentment -- satisfaction is only temporary, but contentment is deep and longstanding. I should do those things that will keep this fire of passion burning within me for longer than the four years I am here. Those will be the dreams that last.
So, yes, I am halfway done with college. But who's counting? Passion isn't on a schedule, and there's no due date. That is the only fact that really matters.
:)
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Friday, August 8, 2014
Summer Camp Round 2: Magic, Synergy, and Kindness
I just got home from working at an amazing summer camp, and I think I am going through a tiny bit of a reverse culture shock process. It's difficult to go from a Neverland filled with fairies and dreams to a house filled with homework and bills. So, I am going to stall that process a little by sharing with you all the lessons I learned over the (mostly) internet-less past two months.
1. Get a real-life job, have a real-life life. Get a magical job, have a magical life.
Ok, this seriously comes up ALL the time in this blog, but this concept of the "real world" freaks me out. Like a lot. But the more I think about it, the more I realize how cruel it is that as a young adult, I am conditioned to believe the "real world" is this thing that's out to get me someday. I know, I know, all the fun ends when I graduate and I will rue the day when I chose to think about anything but paying off my student loans. What?? HOW does that kind of paradigm benefit anyone? The truth is, I don't want or need the "real world." If camp teaches anything, it's that magic is everywhere you wish it to be. A dining hall transforms into Queen Elsa's coronation with just a few snowflakes and "Let it Go" playing. That's the realm I can choose to live in -- one where I can care more about the smile on a child's face than about how she is affording to be there. If that means I need a reality check, so be it.
2. Teamwork is easier when you are all striving toward a common goal.
Coming from college to camp is quite the transition. In college, everyone is doing their own thing. Different customized majors, different extracurriculars, different friend circles, different schedules... etc. And while we can certainly rally around a cause (Flunk Day, anyone? Midnight breakfast during finals?), it's not feasible all the time. At camp, on the other hand, we have one priority: our campers. Even while we are all with different age groups doing different activities, every action we take comes back to the campers' growth, happiness, health, and safety. There's no conflict of interest when the buildings need to be cleaned before they arrive or when a homesick camper needs a little TLC. Every single person is ready to buckle down and get it done because that's why we are there. I think that kind of clarity and focus can be beneficial to any organization. While it is undoubtedly easier to accomplish when the staff lives in the same place they work (the job becomes the life), it's a good thing to keep in mind.
3. Who you work with matters more than where you work.
For goodness sake, be a good co-worker! It makes so much of a difference. This summer, I worked in the same unit every week with one particular counselor whom I trusted to the ends of the earth. We had pretty similar personalities and our communication was spot-on. She saved me so many times and took care of the things I didn't remember. We were placed in some units that weren't exactly in our element (AKA the farm), but we were able to overcome and give our campers an awesome experience because of the joy and confidence we gained from each other. Unfortunately, co-workers aren't normally in our control... but just remember, your attitude and level of responsibility and all that good stuff matters a lot in making a positive place to work.
4. Giving to others allows you to give to yourself.
Camp forces me to be brave, persistent, and selfless. All things that I want to be, and all things I probably wouldn't be if I didn't have the responsibility of 24 children. If we're stuck in the middle of a lightning storm, my presence has to convince them things will be ok. I can't accomplish that if I am freaking out. If I can't figure out how to make the bead animal, I have to keep trying... because to give up would be telling them to give up, too. And when I am exhausted and just want to sleep, I have to keep going... because to stop caring is to tell them they are not worthwhile. There are so many people out there who could use a helping hand and a caring heart. If you can't become the person you want to be for yourself, do it for one of them. You reap the benefits, and so do they.
5. Listen. REALLY listen. And remember.
I can't tell you how many times a camper will tell me a story and I will suddenly start thinking about my to-do list, how my food is digesting, my weekend plans, and anything else that isn't the story. It's ridiculous. I end up so upset with myself that I missed this little tidbit of her life -- this little tidbit that could tell me so much about who she is and what she needs. On the other hand, when I take the time (and energy!) to actively listen, our bond forms so much more quickly and strongly. We have a launching point for future conversations and situations. Take time to listen. Stop what you are doing. Visualize what they are saying. It matters.
6. Smiles and kind words go a long way.
There were so many times when someone said "You're doing a great job" or made a funny face in my direction and it brightened my day. And when I was feeling refreshed and optimistic, I was better at my job. It doesn't take a lot of effort, just a lot of willingness. Put yourself out there and let others know you appreciate them. Just do it.
7. No matter how much time you have, take time to laugh.
Sometimes, laughter is better than sleep. There were many times when we put the campers to sleep and then had a short meeting with only the counselors. Many of those times, our meetings turned into funny stories and laughter. And occasionally, we went to bed much later than we should have. It was always worth it; some of my favorite memories from the entire summer come from those few minutes. Having just a little while to unwind and deconstruct the monsters we had created in our minds helped us sleep better and feel better the next day. Never be too focused to laugh. You need it like you need air.
Well, there we go. Heading back to school tomorrow... wish me luck in taking back these lessons and transitioning yet again. Much love to you all.
1. Get a real-life job, have a real-life life. Get a magical job, have a magical life.
Ok, this seriously comes up ALL the time in this blog, but this concept of the "real world" freaks me out. Like a lot. But the more I think about it, the more I realize how cruel it is that as a young adult, I am conditioned to believe the "real world" is this thing that's out to get me someday. I know, I know, all the fun ends when I graduate and I will rue the day when I chose to think about anything but paying off my student loans. What?? HOW does that kind of paradigm benefit anyone? The truth is, I don't want or need the "real world." If camp teaches anything, it's that magic is everywhere you wish it to be. A dining hall transforms into Queen Elsa's coronation with just a few snowflakes and "Let it Go" playing. That's the realm I can choose to live in -- one where I can care more about the smile on a child's face than about how she is affording to be there. If that means I need a reality check, so be it.
2. Teamwork is easier when you are all striving toward a common goal.
Coming from college to camp is quite the transition. In college, everyone is doing their own thing. Different customized majors, different extracurriculars, different friend circles, different schedules... etc. And while we can certainly rally around a cause (Flunk Day, anyone? Midnight breakfast during finals?), it's not feasible all the time. At camp, on the other hand, we have one priority: our campers. Even while we are all with different age groups doing different activities, every action we take comes back to the campers' growth, happiness, health, and safety. There's no conflict of interest when the buildings need to be cleaned before they arrive or when a homesick camper needs a little TLC. Every single person is ready to buckle down and get it done because that's why we are there. I think that kind of clarity and focus can be beneficial to any organization. While it is undoubtedly easier to accomplish when the staff lives in the same place they work (the job becomes the life), it's a good thing to keep in mind.
3. Who you work with matters more than where you work.
For goodness sake, be a good co-worker! It makes so much of a difference. This summer, I worked in the same unit every week with one particular counselor whom I trusted to the ends of the earth. We had pretty similar personalities and our communication was spot-on. She saved me so many times and took care of the things I didn't remember. We were placed in some units that weren't exactly in our element (AKA the farm), but we were able to overcome and give our campers an awesome experience because of the joy and confidence we gained from each other. Unfortunately, co-workers aren't normally in our control... but just remember, your attitude and level of responsibility and all that good stuff matters a lot in making a positive place to work.
4. Giving to others allows you to give to yourself.
Camp forces me to be brave, persistent, and selfless. All things that I want to be, and all things I probably wouldn't be if I didn't have the responsibility of 24 children. If we're stuck in the middle of a lightning storm, my presence has to convince them things will be ok. I can't accomplish that if I am freaking out. If I can't figure out how to make the bead animal, I have to keep trying... because to give up would be telling them to give up, too. And when I am exhausted and just want to sleep, I have to keep going... because to stop caring is to tell them they are not worthwhile. There are so many people out there who could use a helping hand and a caring heart. If you can't become the person you want to be for yourself, do it for one of them. You reap the benefits, and so do they.
5. Listen. REALLY listen. And remember.
I can't tell you how many times a camper will tell me a story and I will suddenly start thinking about my to-do list, how my food is digesting, my weekend plans, and anything else that isn't the story. It's ridiculous. I end up so upset with myself that I missed this little tidbit of her life -- this little tidbit that could tell me so much about who she is and what she needs. On the other hand, when I take the time (and energy!) to actively listen, our bond forms so much more quickly and strongly. We have a launching point for future conversations and situations. Take time to listen. Stop what you are doing. Visualize what they are saying. It matters.
6. Smiles and kind words go a long way.
There were so many times when someone said "You're doing a great job" or made a funny face in my direction and it brightened my day. And when I was feeling refreshed and optimistic, I was better at my job. It doesn't take a lot of effort, just a lot of willingness. Put yourself out there and let others know you appreciate them. Just do it.
7. No matter how much time you have, take time to laugh.
Sometimes, laughter is better than sleep. There were many times when we put the campers to sleep and then had a short meeting with only the counselors. Many of those times, our meetings turned into funny stories and laughter. And occasionally, we went to bed much later than we should have. It was always worth it; some of my favorite memories from the entire summer come from those few minutes. Having just a little while to unwind and deconstruct the monsters we had created in our minds helped us sleep better and feel better the next day. Never be too focused to laugh. You need it like you need air.
Well, there we go. Heading back to school tomorrow... wish me luck in taking back these lessons and transitioning yet again. Much love to you all.
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