Another Friday night of tea and blogging.... RA duty has its advantages.
This week, I've been thinking a lot about the difference between being "nice" and being "kind." I tend to group the two words together, using them as synonyms. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that they are two fundamentally different qualities.
I'm often told that I am nice. If I were to describe myself, I would also say I am nice. I smile a lot. I hold doors open for people. I don't get angry easily... and if I do, I don't show it. I let others go before me in line. I give my friend the bigger half of the cookie. And I definitely never let the weekend start without telling everyone, far and wide, "Have a good weekend, (insert name here)!"
But do these things also make me kind?
My case for a difference between "nice" and "kind" starts with someone important in my life: my high school speech and debate coach/English teacher. With the exception of my parents, Mrs. Carochi has helped me more than anyone I know. There are the obvious ways: She taught me a heck of a lot about English, which is now one of my college majors and a point of lifelong learning. She taught me how to write and perform a piece that will move and persuade others toward a better life through speech. She taught me how to carry my weight as a member of a team and how to delegate. Then there are the hidden ways, the ways that only I can fully understand. She is the reason I knew anything about how to apply to college, let alone how to apply to the right college. A year later, she was the reason I didn't transfer from that right college when things got difficult. She is one of the reasons I made it through my first real heartbreak. The list goes on.
Aside: Mrs. Carochi was just inducted into the Colorado High School Activities Association Hall of Fame, and she was inducted into the National Forensics League Hall of Fame a few years ago. Other people think she is just as great as I do.
Mrs. Carochi was never considered a nice teacher. She was "hard," she was "mean," and she was "stubborn." You didn't want to be around her when she is angry -- she can and will take your birthday away. Every student in Honors English feared the wrath of her red pen all over every paper. All the same, Mrs. Carochi, for the reasons outlined above, is among the kindest people I think I will ever meet.
I think the difference between "nice" and "kind" is a matter of intention. For me, being nice is a lot easier than being kind. Being nice just means I have to respond to the environment around me in a way that is pleasant toward others. It doesn't require a lot of sacrifice... smiling takes fewer muscles than frowning, so the legend says. Being kind, however, requires that I bring something original to my environment with the intention of making someone's life better. It calls for me to give of myself continuously, even when I don't feel like it or don't have time. It calls for me to bake delicious cookies from scratch with the intention of giving the whole batch to someone, not just to give the bigger half of a crummy chocolate chip cookie I already have.
The hardest part of this for me to accept is that being kind sometimes goes directly against being nice. Making someone's life better isn't always pleasant. I never enjoyed Mrs. Carochi's red pen on my papers, but I always appreciated it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not hatin' on being nice. Often, I think being nice can open a path toward being kind. Being nice establishes approachability and an inkling of trust, making others more receptive to kindness. But there comes a point when being nice isn't enough, and being kind must take priority.
Kindness... it's more than a happy disposition.
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